"El Oso"

Once upon a time, Bear (aka Merrill) decided it was time to lose some weight.
He tried everything from the Subway diet to the South beach diet, but nothing seemed to work. He was reading up on all kinds of radical new diets, desperate to find something suitable for him.
Nothing was clicking.
He became so frustrated that suddenly without warning he let out a huge bear roar and punched a hole through the wall! This caught everyone's attention and dollar signs started to literally float above Corey's head.
"We will train this Bear," Corey muttered under his breath.
Bear, at this point, was willing to try anything and boxing sounded like a good way to lose a couple pounds. So began Bear's colorful boxing career as "El Oso" (The Bear)!
I would be his personal trainer. I coached him everyday and made sure he balanced his diet of Subway, Chipotle, Panera, and McDonalds (pronounced MAC Donalds). I new he was ready for his first fight when he ate 3 burritos in one sitting at Chipotle.
What's that?
Not impressed?
Well, let me remind you that he swallowed three burritos whole (foil included)!
Corey was booking the fights and pulling in the cash. He was a very good promoter!
Dave was... well, he was there!
The big day came and "El Oso" let out a terrifing ROOOOAAAARRRR!
He knocked his opponent out cold with one damaging right hook. He actually killed him.
El Oso became a household name in Toledo and he defeated anyone or anything that was placed before him. He went on to become Toledo's best underground boxing champion! Most importantly, he lost the weight!
Over a span of 4 months Bear achieved great success but unfortunately also experienced failure. You see, he put too much trust into Corey, Dave and I. We screwed him out of much of his hard fought money.
Do I feel bad about it?
No, I'm rich now!
Weight loss comes at a price these days. Bear learned that lesson the hard way.
Today he spends his time sitting in a puddle of his own urine, drinking wine from the bottle and reliving his glory days as "El Oso"!